a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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