I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
