If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
