It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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