The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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