Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
