You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
