New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
