remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
