He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
