I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
we should paint friendship bongs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
