just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
