STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
