I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
