it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
