Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
