D3 body, D1 cock
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize