just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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