so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
