It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize