im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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