Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
is wine microwaveable?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize