I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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