i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
