Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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