The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
