help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
