so explain again why im purple
no
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
