Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
