Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I see more hoeing in ur future
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