Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
