There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
