U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
