You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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