my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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