oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
