Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
