I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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