it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
