She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
