wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
