i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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