His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
