I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
