i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is it penis luge time yet?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
