you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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