I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
