Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
