So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
