Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
