Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't deserve a penis
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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