he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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