Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Im at strip club and am horny
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
