Swine flu. Run for my life!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
