I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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