Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
