Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
