ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
