do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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