if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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