saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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