Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
