The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
