i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
