They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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